brainmelt

In some groggy, half-cognisant way, I think I saw every infomercial on television the other night.

i wrote a careless love

i woke up today, with this horrible feeling. The kind where...I know I had experienced something less than desirable, and I know that it must have been in my subconscious. I soon shook it off, chalking it up to whiskey and sleep aids. The day goes on, mostly -- especially summer days misplaced in fall (even though I truly dislike humidity; it was excusable).



-k

My birthday.... ugh.... 25 is just an unfortunate number. It just... sounds drab. If you repeat it over and over again, it gets increasingly more boring within its 3 syllables with each repetition. Clearly, i'm over it.







(new drawings, the first of which is an actual illustration of a recent nightmare)

the great brain drain

Tonight, when I was driving home, I looked over at the mountain and it was covered in cloudy mist. Then I thought of that one time I was driving by that same mountain at 4am, and it was actually on fire. Well, not the whole mountain, but there was a fire on top of the mountain. To this day, I haven't found out what that was all about.

On another note, I've been having bizarre dreams lately. I take that as a sign that I really need to change my location, or something of the like. Enough with the weird dreams, though. From bleeding/falling out teeth, to all of the skin on my torso peeling up (revealing my ribcage and internal organs).... these dreams are driving me crazy.












-k

by nighttime, my fingers shrink. all of my rings feel looser. i also listen to the same albums on repeat, but only at night... and only after a certain time.

Lately

Tonight I performed in a bimonthly cabaret/piano bar series at the Allentown Brew Works in .... Allentown (in case that wasn't already obvious). It was great to get to sing again, and be swanky, and have a reason to wear red lipstick, high heels, and black (not that I don't do that anyway, even if it does not befit the occasion). Anyway, the point of this is that everyone should come to this piano bar/cabaret series, because after the set list with the performers, it's like... karaoke with a live piano player to accompany you. So, that basically means no horrible midi accompaniments that come with karaoke. The only catch is, you have to bring your own sheet music, or pick from a list of standards that are available to sing. And unlike karaoke, you might not want to sing Bon Jovi or Boston. But, definitely check it out. http://www.thebrewworks.com/events/

black dress, high heels and red lipstick are my favorites:



After parking my car in Allentown tonight, going into Brewworks for the Cabaret, I had a conversation with a man solely based on the fact that I went to NYU and have an NYU bumper sticker on my car. Apparently, he went to NYU for grad school. I like making random friends, lately at least. And making friends from bumper stickers is even more random, and pretty rad.

It was kind of strange -- the other day I dropped off film to get developed and scanned, from my huge pile of film that I've shot but haven't gotten processed. One of the roles was from my visit to South Carolina in the Winter... so weird. I mostly photographed my Grandmother's house (where we were staying). It's such a strange, forgotten place. One of those places that had its hey day, but has been forgotten over the years. It really reminds me of "Paradiso Perduto" from Great Expectations. I hadn't been there for (at minimum) 7 years before the visit this past Winter, and it seemed dwarfed and shriveled, compared to my youthful perception of it. Looking at these pictures, even, makes me realize how quickly time has been going. My birthday is already around the corner (next week), and it has already been over half a year since I took these pictures, even. Time crawls when you're really young because all you know is based on anticipation and the future; and time flies the older you get, because your perception of life is mostly based on reflection upon past events, and hour-to-hour existence. I can't wrap my mind around all of it, it seems. I want everything slower, all of the time.

the epically strange day

Thursday was a really strange day, I thought. Strange for one particular reason unnecessary to mention; but also strange in that "waking up from a bad dream and not remembering it" sort of foggy brain haze. It was a day full of staring into space, which is okay, those are necessary every once in a while.

I finished thursday, (well, technically "started" friday), off by going to bed at 4am and then having this recurring dream of traveling on a road that suddenly becomes vertical. So I wake up Friday morning, and remember that I am pet sitting for my neighbor's dog. I go over to their house, get the dog and take it down the path to walk, even though she said I don't have to walk him if I don't feel like it. For some reason, I just feel like i should. As I'm walking down the path, I see something moving by a tree in my peripheral vision, in someone's yard. I turn around, quickly -- and in a paranoid manner, thinking some large cat of prey is lurking in the corner or something. I see an owl, on the ground, looking back at me with its bright yellow eyes and wings splayed out to the side, sort of struggling in an attempt to fly. He is obviously hurt, and he is absolutely gigantic. I kneel down and cautiously rub him on the back, to calm him down (which surprisingly works). I run home, forcing my neighbor's slightly overweight dog to run down the path with me (for some reason I am wearing wedge heels, too....how mysterious and impractical). The dog is extremely stubborn and slips out of his leash twice -- I have to chase after him ... good thing he's not fast.

I finally get him home, and go to my computer and look up the Wildlife Conservancy's number, change into my moccasins and run like a bat out of hell down the path, with my camera, phone and house key (even though I leave the screen door unlocked). The owl is still there when I get back, so I call a representative from the Conservancy, who ends up referring me to a woman who does wildlife rescue in the area. She is currently dealing with another case, so she instructs me on how to safely get the owl contained so it can be transported to a vet. I run back again, carrying a big box and a stiff board to slide underneath the box. I keep running into people's fences, I am wearing red lipstick, my hair is crazy, and I am in a vintage western-style shirt and skirt. I'm pretty sure I look like I have completely lost my shit. I get there, and it takes about 20 minutes to get the owl to calm down and stop gripping the ground tightly with its talons, so I can slide the board underneath and carry it back to my car. I am eventually successful and I carry the entire thing all the way back down the path to my house, making sure he can't get out, because those talons and that beak can do some SERIOUS damage. I am pretty sure I am pulling a major muscle in my back, and he is hooting the entire time in the box, as well as making some hissing noise.

I get back to my yard, and my neighbor is out mowing his lawn while I am frantically carrying a large box that has hooting and hissing noises coming from it. I get to my car and realize...I have no gas. The gas light is on. Luckily, my dad took my sister's car, so I just use his, even though it is really confusing and I have no clue how to drive it. So, I load the owl up in the car, making sure it is secure, and I drive about 10 mph under the speed limit the entire way to the animal hospital in Bethlehem, making turns like I don't know how to drive and am scared of tipping over. The owl keeps making noises in the back, the same hooting and hissing, which is good, because I want to make sure he is still alive. I get him to the vet and everyone seems really confused as to how I was able to get him in the box, and carry it around and such. I feel pretty awesome, actually. They take him back and I wait in the waiting room for a long time.

Eventually, they come out and (awkwardly) ask if I want my box back....and they say that he passed away while he was back there, that he was old and was going to die anyway; but it was great that I had made an attempt to rescue him.

Apparently, they can use him for veterinary classes and educational purposes, so at least that is a positive thing. It is just so weird, all of that sweating and almost getting grabbed by talons, and running around my neighborhood like I am possessed and....the owl died anyway. Not that it is my fault, and I do feel really positive about being able to help -- even in some nominal way. At least he didn't get eaten by a hawk, or a dog or anything...but still. What a strange, and really sort of soul-crushing day. So bizarre.

Luckily, things have gotten better from there. Between margaritas & champagne, lurking the Allentown Fair, hiking and other assorted events, i've covered over the bad with lots of good.

and.... so it goes

... the other pictures from this week can be viewed at http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2524975&id=825294&l=953762c4cf (copy/paste it, for some reason the HTML for the link isn't working)

-k

each summer that ends, perception bends, I'm in this weird place, can't describe it. I'm okay with the blurry, it's vague....but vague is honest and a reflection of what actually "IS" instead of what I project "TO BE." For once, I realize (by the definition of "REAL" plus the suffix which nominally changes the meaning of the base word).

Circles

Things are just swirling around, a spin so violently circular that it's really just kind of static (which explains why we never feel the earth spinning at all). There is too much and too little, all at once, all of the time. I can't really find what I'm looking for in this. It's found and lost, which are really one in the same.







summer is ending, and it saddens my heart.