vic

my body is a warm blanket right now and i regret nothing (ever). this would not make sense to anyone except for me, which is why i keep this strange, secret thing to which no one has complete understanding of but myself. there is a strange buzzing, and other-worldly fuzzing of the extremities that i cannot lie and say i haven't been familiar to before. it is just nice to have this back again, for myself, for secret, and for now. i needed this now and i have this now. it is as if the color red merged with blue and green, but in a really peaceful blending, to create a color that has never existed before; unrecognizable to the eye but calming to the overworked brain. all of the organs in this body -- this body that witnesses this particular hue -- are reduced to sweet-smelling, and softly-crisp dryer sheets (smelling of childhood, smelling of clean). i want it back, but i have it back -- just not the way it was. i want it never and forever. for this and for lying alone, wishing it gone.

foreverevernever

late hate come brain fail is fogging up this stupid incandescent lighting (which is already hard to see). what i say is what i say, but it's never what i mean. come on, brain drain, drown out dead nights that (kind of) bleed over into early mornings. i'm listening to winter music in the fall. i don't want winter, but i do want to listen to winter music. my parting shot: i want whatever infomercial that will lull me to sleep tonight instead feel like a warm hug. i just want a warm hug.